Manhid daw ako?..

Manhid daw ako?..

I had the biggest shock of my life last night, when out of the blue, my lola told me:

"alam mo manhid ka, di ka marunong magpakita ng pagmamahal sa mga taong nasa paligid mo..."

God, after hearing those words, I think I forgot how to breathe..


The moment lola was released from the hospital after a week of confinement, I knew things wouldn't be the same.. The doctors made it very clear: from now on, she's going to need extra care.. And so, everyone in our house made an effort to give lola more attention.. everyone it seemed,.. but me.. I guess I got my priorities all wrong and if not for tonight's events, I never would've realized that..

"buti pa yung aso pinapansin mo niyayakap-yakap mo pa e ako di mo man lang mabati, matanong kung kumain na.. dun, nandun ka parati sa harap ng computer"..

Yah the words were cheesy, but the moment I heard them I wanted to beat myself up, till I'm black and blue! (if ever that was possible..) Everything she said was true!..

Am I really that insensitive?.. That I would never realize I'm neglecting someone unless they tell me upfront?..

I would really like to think that I have feelings too.. Of course I care, it's just that maybe, just maybe, I'm an idiot when it comes to showing it.. After lola was done talking (madami pang madramang salita..), I wanted to hug her right then and there.. it was pretty obvious that I needed to apologize and show her that I do care.. but then, my idiotic-robot self took over again and all I did was ask her if she was hungry.. God, that was lame! But I guess she understood.. Alam nya na talaga ugali ko.. na sa pagtanong ko kung gutom siya ibig sabihin nun tinablan na ko sa mga sinabi niya.. and I'm willing to make up for whatever I did wrong..

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The rest of the night went on smoothly.. nagkwentuhan pa kami ni lola.. mukhang nagtampo lang pala sya konti (aun, konti lang pala un..haha)..pero talagang tinablan ako dun.. I guess I just needed a good kick in the gut..

Minsan, kailangan din ipakita mo na may malasakit ka.. di na kailangang sabihin yon di ba?..

Of course.